Johnny Dzubak.

Clean up the place

I just wanted to write about a few things guys and girls have in their rooms to scare off the opposite sex. Although you would think this is common sense, you would be surprised to hear some of the horror stories I hear on a daily basis.

Women – Please clear the 1000 pink pillows and stuffed animals off the bed. When we are there getting intimate, it is hard to look at you as our sex goddess when Mr. Binky Mouse and Lord Boo Boo Kitty are staring me in the face. This is extremely unsettling and a mood killer. And where is anyone supposed to sleep?

Does there have to be so much pink everywhere? Oh my god, I have been blinded and have had clouded pink vision for days after venturing into a few bedrooms. And personally, I really have just got to ask - what it is with all the candles? I like candles as well, but I have seen Easter visuals with less flickering light.

How about the pictures from college on the fridge with all your gal pals drunk, waving blue cups around? Please, if you are a year removed from college, it is time to move on. Speaking of your refrigerator, please put some sort of food in it. I look in there to see what sort of eating disorders you might have.

Girls are always telling me stories of what has killed a night of good sex for them as well. The difference here is Men will force themselves through a night of pink vision and Boo Boo Kitty for sex, whereas a girl will be out of your house faster than Michael Phelps toward a freshly packed bong.

Guys – The posters and calendars of half-naked girls all over the room have to go. At this juncture, you should not have to convince yourself of your sexuality anymore. The excuse of loving the female form can be shown in much better ways than with Miss April taped to the wall above the bed.

The bowl of condoms on the nightstand is not winning any awards either. Please throw the lotion and tissues in a drawer as well. Pick up the socks and other random trash thrown around such as last Tuesday’s pizza crusts. Make sure that you put any and all drug paraphernalia away. It just says the wrong signals if you are new to each other.

Some things for both sexes to consider: Clean up the place! This is just not for the boys; damn, some of you girls are just as bad. This does not mean, however, to have the place ready for surgery, either. I know girls who left an apartment because it was too clean and gave the whole place a weird vibe. The stack of dishes in the sink is one I hear about a lot. Take ten to fifteen minutes to give the place a once over before leaving.

In the end, the place should look lived in and comfortable, as well as showing some of your passions of what your life is about. Let your place be an extension of who you are and who you are striving to become. People attach themselves to the feelings that you create around yourself. The more these feelings are positive and comfortable, the easier it is for people to become uninhibited and free. The more uninhibited and free, the better the sex. It’s funny, the better the sex the more of the little things we are able to let slide under the radar. All of a sudden the dishes piling up is not such an issue.