Johnny Dzubak.

Oct 26

Living And Learning The Hard way

Learning lessons the hard way.

During the end of my senior year of high school, my father had a new baby with his new wife. My stepmother was, to say the least, kind of a bitch. I knew my days were numbered living at home. Hell, I would’ve wanted me out of the house too. After all, my dad had a new family to raise and I didn’t fit. I was part of the “other family”. I didn’t have a decent relationship with my stepmother and I certainly was not going to start fixing that relationship at eighteen. I got along well with my father and I understood that he wanted another go at it, and that I would make things difficult.

The first thing on my move out list was deciding who I was going to live with. I needed roommates. I couldn’t afford a place all on my own. So naturally, I asked my closest friends. I didn’t think about things like who would make a great roommate or which of my friends were responsible. I didn’t care. A few of my friends were interested so we went looking for an apartment.

At the time, I was working two jobs. I was making pizzas at a shop by day and was working night shifts at a convenience store. I ended up working so much because I hated my step mom and the more time I could be out of the house the better. I was practically living out of my car anyway. This allowed me to save some money.

We managed to get an apartment in the downtown area that was recently redone with some hideous green carpet. I remember that the man who rented it out to us didn’t want to be involved with us, but reluctantly did so anyway because he needed the money.  I know I wouldn’t want to rent a building out to four eighteen-year-old kids.

Looking back, it was evident that none of us were ready live on our own. Within six months, we all lost our jobs due to our irresponsible lives. I was working the most when we first got the place and as I watched my roommates party it up, I felt like I was missing the good times. I became jealous and started slacking off with them.

I’m not one to pass blame. We all could have used some growing up, but I will say it was hard for me to concentrate with everything that was going on. I was weak at the time and I wanted everyone to like me. There was always people coming in and out of the place at all hours and since we were the first group of our friends to get their own place it seemed like every unsavory character was hanging out there. My roommates also found it hard to say no to anyone, so people would be crashing at our place all the time. Since they weren’t paying any of the bills, there was no need to be responsible for anything.

The other guys had homes they could go back to. I didn’t, which made me the uptight guy in the house. I was looked at as the warden at times. I was not innocent. I didn’t like losing my friends and wanted to keep everybody happy. However, playing both sides of the coin led me into a bad spot.

I struggled to keep myself together as well as trying to keep 3 other teenagers together. In the end they had won. I had lost and I was getting evicted.

Within ten months the apartment was trashed. The carpeting was destroyed, the walls had graffiti all over them and the hallway was covered from top to bottom in glow in the dark stickers. The place looked like it belonged to four teenagers. I was happy it was over. I couldn’t keep the nightmare going any longer.

If I had a chance to do that one over again I would have picked my roommates better. I would have looked at their abilities to be responsible rather than their abilities to be fun. These are the life lessons we learn and the best way to learn them is to live through it. We all make mistakes. No one can go through life mistake free. When I look back at it, although it was a silly time and we were young and careless, I don’t regret it. It was a valuable life lesson.

Oct 13

Go Legndary

Ladies and gentlemen The Art of Charm’s new show on Kevin Smith’s Smodcast is called “Go Legendary” and will begin airing in early November!!!

We are extremely excited!

Oct 12

Is Being Bold Different Than Being Confident?

The other day I watched a video of a young man trying to get better with his approaches. He hooked himself up with a hidden camera and walked up to random people, introducing himself and attempted to amuse them. The problem that I had with this video is that after about 30 some failed attempts, he didn’t change anything about his approach. So what was the point?

By reading the comments and putting these approaches online for others to see, I am guessing the motive of the videographer was different from what I thought it would be.

It seems that the point of the videos was not to show confidence at all, but rather to show boldness. He wanted to show that he can be immune to rejection and not care about what others had to say. At one point it just gets down right embarrassing for everyone involved.

In his approaches, he threw around racial remarks and was generally rude to everyone. So while everyone was telling him to leave them alone, he was gloating to them about how much he didn’t care about it and that he would stay talking to them until he felt like leaving. Don’t get me wrong. It takes some balls to do it, but he’s not achieving anything by doing this.

Being an ass has nothing to do with being confident. It has to do with insecurities and what you do to mask it. It’s a defense that someone will use to shed the hurt of rejection. The worst part of these videos was seeing the few times where the woman was actually interested in the first few seconds of the interaction, only watch her demeanor change as she realizes that the guy is just being insulting and celebrating his so called victory.

I understand that in the beginning stages of getting your social life together, a defense might be necessary to do what you need to do to. Approaching to get a little feedback is great, but 30 some times of being a dick is not going to get you anywhere. If being a dick gets you props from your friends, you might be into this for the wrong reasons.

You want to be tough? You want to be bulletproof? Getting into someone’s personal space and berating them with lame questions to the point of being intrusive and rude is nauseating. Do you know anybody with Aspergers? Ask them how it feels not being able to read emotions and if it has helped them in reaching life goals. Trust me, it doesn’t help them.

Active listening with your eyes and ears shows what a good communicator you are by showing genuine interest in other people. It’s and art and a skill.

It’s a skill that can be applied anywhere and everywhere. Practice at restaurants, shops and cafés in your town. Try putting yourself in their situation. Allow people to feel comfortable opening up rather than showing them you can talk over their discomfort or your annoyance. See how much you can get them to invest in you.

These are the traits that will allow you to succeed. These are the things that allow you to be attractive.

Oct 04

superseventies:

The Ramones, 1977.

Yeah!!!

Sep 02

Vices

A little while ago, Amy Winehouse passed away. I had never been a big fan. However, I did respect her vibe and ethics. She was a jazz singer and was not about to the let the industry machine tell her what to do and yet she was ultra successful. In the end the things that she used to shield herself from the outside ultimately did her in.

We all have our vices, our means to get through the day. It may be food, booze, drugs, thrill seeking or exercise. We all look for it.

Many of my own heroes had succumbed to drug, alcohol, some sabotage and some even committed suicide because the pressures they faced everyday was too much to take. We all have made mistakes, we all have pain and we all have to move forward.

In my time as a musician and partner at The Art of Charm ,I have certainly heard stories from people and friends about pain, death and struggle. No one is exempt.

If you yourself are having trouble balancing your life and the struggles get too much, please open up to someone you trust. Ask for help. Your true friends would want you to and will listen. Addiction is a disease and no one is immune.

There is a thin line between celebrating and medicating and it begins with you. If you are not able to do the task at hand at a high level you really need to ask yourself why you have not. Have your vices gotten in the way? Has playing video games for hours upon end hindered your social life? Do your vices keep you sheltered from the world around you? Have you alienated those who care about you? An easy question to ask yourself is, “Do I feel guilty after doing whatever it is I do in those times?” If you answered yes then it could be a problem. This is your consciousness telling you it’s not right.

You guys are old enough to make your own decisions in life, all I ask is when things get tough and you find yourself alone, that you use your best judgment and ask for help when you need it. We are not super heroes, we are human beings. Even our heroes have their dark side and faults.

Aug 31

Rock

(via natashapsychedelia)

Aug 19

Please don’t cut off my Penis

I recently stumbled on an article about a woman who drugged her husband, tied him to their bed and cut off his member. I have been told many times by ex girlfriends that if I ever cheated on them that they would cut off my penis. I always laughed. I won’t be laughing anymore.

There is a lot of attention on battered women and it is awful that we find ourselves in abusive relationships, but there is plenty of evidence showing the abuse men take as well. Most of it goes unreported for fear of embarrassment. According to research, 835,000 instances get reported each year. There really isn’t a place men can go for help. Finding a support group is near impossible.

When it comes to the issue of domestic abuse, we tend to think about the women and never the men. At The Art of Charm we have seen our fair share of abused men.

If you grew up in abusive households, it can seem normal and it is easy to carry that abuse or a tolerance to take that abuse into our own adult relationships.

In writing this article, my main goal was to bring awareness. This is a problem and if you find yourself in this kind of relationship, the best answer is to leave. Most men and women will say that they have stayed in these relationships for the kids, but you have to understand that by doing that you are teaching the kids tolerance for this kind of behavior. This will find its way into their adult relationships either as the abuser or the ones being abused.

I believe that most men don’t even know what abuse is. Sure, we all know that being physically hit is abuse, but what about emotional abuse? I don’t think that men look at emotional abuse the way women do. As a guy, it would be hard for me to admit that my partner emotionally abuses me. I would feel that other people would see me as weak.

When two people live together and share their lives with each other for long periods of time, we learn the buttons to push to get a strong reaction and the intimacy we share to bring ourselves together is ultimately the same intimacy that can cause us to become violent with each other. Without respect we can grow to hate each other a little more each day to that point of no return.

This is a hot topic and I really don’t want to go into the specifics or finger point to who is responsible for what, but I do want to let men and women know that no abuse physical or emotional should be tolerated and therapy or early departure is the only answer. Fighting fire with fire can only exacerbate the issue further.

Jul 22

TUFF! 

(via natashapsychedelia)

Jul 16

theswingingsixties:

The Experience

(Source: brotha-matt)

Jul 08

suicideblonde:

Joan Jett and Debbie Harry backstage at the Tower Theatre in Philadelphia in 1978 photographed by Scott Weiner